Feel Good Ache

It started with a stare

Then he blew a kiss

And I feigned ignorance

In the absence of bliss

Asleep at the wheel

Still they can’t resist

Unsure of what I want

But I know it isn’t this

I know where my future lies

Without even a second thought

But I won’t turn to a ghost

Or abandon all I’ve held dear

I won’t throw to the winds

Everything of who I’ve been

In return for the peace of

Knowing who I’ll become

Once you have walked certain roads

You know where you truly belong

But sometimes it takes heartbreak

To open your eyes to the bitter truth

To the honesty of life itself that

Love and happiness joyfully distort

I wanted so much for myself

Yet in my simple desires

I have found everything I need

Rests in my possession

Free from expense or excess

Deep in my chest cavity

Beating like an excited drum

Between each new breath

A romantic sort of thought now

When love itself is distant

Courtship

An antiquated concept now relegated

To the imagination and fairy tales

Romantics breathe it in like oxygen, but

I fear it to be an endangered species

Something rare and nearly mythical…

Had I ever been more bold with my tongue

I might have told you of my thoughts

Might have drawn you a clearer portrait

Of my heart, crimson and well prepared,

Waiting for just the right moment in time

To come alive at the sight of love itself

Had I ever been more bold with my tongue

I might have told you of my desires

Might have drawn you nearer to my side

To my heart, pounding and well prepared,

Waiting for just the right moment in time

To come alive at the thought of love itself

Perhaps I would have written a symphony

Of heartbeats, of crescendos, of gasps

Perhaps I would have written a romance

Or a tragedy, but who is to really say, love?

This could have all ended so differently…

Had I ever been more bold with my tongue

Freedom comes not in release

But in the quiet acceptance

Of absence, space and silence

Of all that was and ever was

And all that could have been

Had things only been different

Freedom comes not in a rush

But in hours, days, decades

In pieces broken up so minutely

That progress is unrecognizable

The future itself uncertain

Till suddenly it comes into focus

Perhaps Through Dreams

She is the beauty that betrays

A fleeting glimpse at dawn

Sparks of a memory inside

That I’m not sure I’ve possessed

Or dreamed in simple hope,

That if my belief is concrete

And my love everlasting,

It might spring into existence

Regardless of its origins

I don’t believe in miracles today

Faith slips through my hand

I’m just a ghost in your way now

You’re like grains of sand

I don’t believe you can be forgiven

For every lie you’ve told

I’m just a girl who’s done living for

The stories I was sold

I’ve never claimed to be against hooking up. In all honesty, I’m not a prude, but I don’t personally believe in engaging blindly in sexual acts with someone I don’t know or trust. I don’t have to love you to have sex with you, but I do have to know you. I cannot form that kind of relationship with someone without a firm foundation of friendship established first. Sharing your body and personal space with another person is important, even without love attached. I don’t know if that makes me old-fashioned, strange or weird, but those are my views on intimacy.