Feel Good Ache

It started with a stare

Then he blew a kiss

And I feigned ignorance

In the absence of bliss

Asleep at the wheel

Still they can’t resist

Unsure of what I want

But I know it isn’t this

I know where my future lies

Without even a second thought

But I won’t turn to a ghost

Or abandon all I’ve held dear

I won’t throw to the winds

Everything of who I’ve been

In return for the peace of

Knowing who I’ll become

Once you have walked certain roads

You know where you truly belong

But sometimes it takes heartbreak

To open your eyes to the bitter truth

To the honesty of life itself that

Love and happiness joyfully distort

I wanted so much for myself

Yet in my simple desires

I have found everything I need

Rests in my possession

Free from expense or excess

Deep in my chest cavity

Beating like an excited drum

Between each new breath

A romantic sort of thought now

When love itself is distant

An antiquated concept now relegated

To the imagination and fairy tales

Romantics breathe it in like oxygen, but

I fear it to be an endangered species

Something rare and nearly mythical…

Had I ever been more bold with my tongue

I might have told you of my thoughts

Might have drawn you a clearer portrait

Of my heart, crimson and well prepared,

Waiting for just the right moment in time

To come alive at the sight of love itself

Had I ever been more bold with my tongue

I might have told you of my desires

Might have drawn you nearer to my side

To my heart, pounding and well prepared,

Waiting for just the right moment in time

To come alive at the thought of love itself

Perhaps I would have written a symphony

Of heartbeats, of crescendos, of gasps

Perhaps I would have written a romance

Or a tragedy, but who is to really say, love?

This could have all ended so differently…

Had I ever been more bold with my tongue

Freedom comes not in release

But in the quiet acceptance

Of absence, space and silence

Of all that was and ever was

And all that could have been

Had things only been different

Freedom comes not in a rush

But in hours, days, decades

In pieces broken up so minutely

That progress is unrecognizable

The future itself uncertain

Till suddenly it comes into focus

She is the beauty that betrays

A fleeting glimpse at dawn

Sparks of a memory inside

That I’m not sure I’ve possessed

Or dreamed in simple hope,

That if my belief is concrete

And my love everlasting,

It might spring into existence

Regardless of its origins

I don’t believe in miracles today

Faith slips through my hand

I’m just a ghost in your way now

You’re like grains of sand

I don’t believe you can be forgiven

For every lie you’ve told

I’m just a girl who’s done living for

The stories I was sold

I’ve never claimed to be against hooking up. In all honesty, I’m not a prude, but I don’t personally believe in engaging blindly in sexual acts with someone I don’t know or trust. I don’t have to love you to have sex with you, but I do have to know you. I cannot form that kind of relationship with someone without a firm foundation of friendship established first. Sharing your body and personal space with another person is important, even without love attached. I don’t know if that makes me old-fashioned, strange or weird, but those are my views on intimacy. 

Whispering of its intentions salaciously

Tempting the earth with its dying perfume

Bemoaning the fate of Mother Nature herself

And yet all of beauty is rendered ashen

Given time, consequence or transgression

Quickened all the more by actions and words

And the desire to be fulfilled and delighted

They said to watch you with hopeful eyes

But mine never came aglow

At the prospect of survival;

Perhaps my spirit knew better

Perhaps truth was evident;

In the fog of memory remaining—

Like an inpenetrable foe in the night—

Little can be seen and less done

And my twenty-odd years tells me

Not to reach into that sweet abyss,

For my mind knows so much better

Than to go walking down that road

With empty hands, empty heart and

Swollen feet from chasing a ghost

I have grown to become anxious of all things

All words, tones, colors and surroundings

Suspicious of their peaceful, quiet nature

And the way they don’t swoop or invade

I have become enraptured with the discord

The rupture, the explosion, the aftermath

The aftershocks of displeasure and pain

The crushing of bones, spirits and hopes

I have loved the swift nature in which

A smile, disheartened by the turn of events,

Marches angrily towards a scowl

And curls up dangerously close to tears

I have learned to expect this much of life

The grayness, the dullness, the sallowness

The hollowed eyes of love and romance

The hunger pangs of an empty broken heart

In my profession, I’ve heard
“There’s a pill you can take,”
That doesn’t soothe the heart
But can help quiet the ache
It takes most of your memories
But the feelings never fade
They only disappear behind
The fog and mirrors we’ve made

heartlessromantics:

So much sexual tension,
honestly, I just want to take you,
seriously, but you tend to joke around.
Lost, I can’t tell if you’re only flirting
or if you want to fuck until you’re found.

I can definitely relate to the frustration and feeling. Love the double meaning of lost here. This was a random read, but I’m glad it popped up on my dashboard. So refreshing.

Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. If you put a gun in the hands of someone that has the desire for violence or murder, they’re going to murder. A gun is just a vessel for that desire. Until a human being acts on said desire, that gun is blameless. Guns are as innocent as the lives they’re reported to take.

Happiness is as fickle as love

And blind like faith

Well-intended but carried away

Like a daydreamer

By the fairy tales of someday

Only to find reality

Is a cold, bitter, lonely bitch

Who holds grudges

We were hot like fire

Burning just like desire

On that summer night

You were a mystery

Never gave much to me

When you held me tight

You were just a stranger

Excitement-tinged danger

At first sight

If you want an honest fight

Then put down your fists

If you crave understanding

Then forget an argument

If you want a truce from me

Forget to paint the picture

If you desire peace for you

Don’t wage war tomorrow

People say the strangest things at time

Shoveling out a mouthful of syllables

They offer up wisdom like fool’s gold

Like panhandlers beg on a street corner